The volcanic eruption

 AUGUST 15TH 2020

UPDATE: From my last post and the underlying seething rage of my narc husband which I was facing from yesterday.

I don't know where to start. I knew it was coming. He erupted. A volcanic eruption today afternoon. ☹

Last night after he was  silent about where he went or what he was upto, I didn't persist on asking him after one try. 

I couldn't sleep whole night bcoz I could see his internal seething rage as if it was a fire burning in his eyes and his silent treatment.

Today morning, I got to my usual chores, feeding my baby, playing with him etc. Narc husband was awake by 12:30pm. I made a quick brunch and tea for him. He started playing with my son still ignoring me and behaving coldly. I told him to plz keep an eye on the baby as I needed to go to the bathroom and told him that his food was at the usual place. He didn't reply.

As soon as I came back, he confronted me and placing his face v.close to mine in anger with eyes large and dark he started yelling- "why did u call my friend's wife? Why did u want to know where I was? I don't need to tell u anything u idiot...u duffer....My friend told me everything...u were inquiring about my whereabouts. How dare u do that? Don't u have any respect for your husband?....I had to explain to him how mad and paranoid u are and have become even more so due to covid.....God! The things I have to explain to ppl..... Why did u call his wife? Why??? Why????"

I took a step back...my heart racing. I was afraid he might hit me. Our child saw all this and started crying. I didn't reply. I was quiet.

He had been sneaking out off and on without telling me to play tennis. I had requested him not to go for leisure due to the pandemic as we have a premie baby who has health issues and who needs therapies. My baby had a high fever 2 weeks back for 3 days and i was terrified for him....thinking at the back of my mind - what if its covid. My narc husband had not been taking any precautions no matter how much i requested. He  doesn't want to wear a mask or wash his hands after coming from outside or change his clothes. He picks up my baby immediately after untying his shoe laces. 

He had been driving me at my wit's end. My baby's fever had been bad. Though it broke i fear for my only son everyday. He is frail and underweight. 

My narc husband decided he could sneak out and play doubles tennis with his crazy grp of friends who are as reckless as him. Plz don't get me wrong- if i didn't have such a fragile baby, i might not have keptrequesting so much. As it is, I have no will to live.

My mistake- I trusted a woman whom i thought was nice. I msged his close friend's wife to ask if my husband had gone out with her husband to play tennis. She replied no....which was a lie.

I had only called her once before (4 weeks back) to ask the same thing bcoz my baby had just recovered from high fever and didn't want my husband going to play tennis that day. My narc husband had disappeared without telling me and came back 3 hours later. At that time I had called this same lady and she told me that yes they were playing tennis. I conveyed her my fears bcoz I have a premie baby with issues and that's the only reason I am asking or I don't want him to go. She said she understood and was talking v.nicely to me. I requested her not to tell my or her husband that I had called and asked bcoz he wud fly into a rage. She seemed surprised- "oh really? He doesn't look that way. Anyways I won't tell".

Well she did tell her husband and her husband told everything to my narc husband who ofcourse blew up at me. I was so stupid to trust her.☹😔

Well his verbal abuse and yelling went on for 15 mins where he called me names, humiliated me, insulted my parents, praised his ex that she was 100 times better than me (actually her ex left him in mere 5 months of marriage. I have stayed with this toxic person for 7 years.). 

The only good thing that came out of this whole episode was- I was able to record him v.clearly.......I was shaking and shivering but I was able to press the record button on my phone. My baby cried so much. I shud have just taken him and walked out. But I needed to record him. I needed to record what it was doing to my baby. How disturbed he looked.😢

I recorded everything. He wouldn't stop. After 15mins I picked up my baby and walked out of the house. He kept yelling.

I have evidence now.  My poor baby went to sleep immediately after that yelling. It has become my baby's defense mechanism in the past months. He sleeps for hours after my narc husband's yelling.

I came back to the house after 2 hours. Fed my baby who woke up and played with him....while my narc husband slept upstairs the whole day. 

My head is v.heavy. My heart still feels like its racing.  I have gone to pee every 15-20mins since all this happened.

My body is reacting to the stress.