The silent warrior

The haze has lifted Its all so clear now Your behavior Of  burning arrogance And cold ignorance The narcissism entrenched In each molecule of your being The mean words Menacing demeanor  Empty eyes Devoid of emotion The lack of sympathy A snigger received In place of empathy The humiliation  And devaluation The gaslighting of all my emotions The rage which you never remember The selective amnesia  Of your bad behavior The rude, unkind words Which you sharpen in your One-sided conversations Where I am not allowed to speak And dare I disagree The flood of egotism And tsunami of conceit The obsessive lying In each heartbeat The mind-games you play And the cunning manipulation  I see it all now I have dissected each atom of your psyche You are not allowed  To play with me now I am a gray rock.

When u are alone In your fight And you have no strength  to be alone Who do you turn to? "No one can help you  If you don't help yourself" "Why don't you just get up and leave?" "Just run away" "Leave the baby with him and run" Oh, how easy it is for people to say such things! How simple to utter decisive words. Have you been in a siuation like this? You don't know the million chains that have held me, Who likes to die everyday? Who likes to be wounded upon a wound? I want to escape more than you say But I have a zillion things to think about I am broke in so many sense No money, no job, no driver's license, no car, no family, no roof, no emotional stability or confidence.... But a child An innocent toddler whom I love to death Whom I am responsible for And so I overthink and stress and worry and contemplate..... When I tell you my thoughts  Or my feelings Or my emotions I am not looking for sympathy  Or firm advice. All I need is...

It's an effort to breathe An effort to sleep An effort to think An effort to blink When you live in fear Everything is burden Personified.

She scribbles furiously Like there's no tomorrow Afraid that  there's no tomorrow And hoping That there's no tomorrow

One day I will break away One day I will leave While you stare Taken aback Helpless and aghast But I won't turn back!

Stop! Please stop! I wish I could make you stop From pouring all that venom Of toxicity  And singeing negativity Over my body And scarring my soul Making my mind Feel so numb What will be left of me? Just residual ashes.

Decaying In a corner In oblivion Wasted youth Wasted talent Misdirected ambitions Emaciated strength Withered hopes Loss of time Expensive expenditure Once time is lost Nothing comes back.....

You are My biggest regret  And  My fondest memory

I detach from myself And look down At the grave of my marriage And my deceased body Wandering and lost Like a ghost around it Trying to sniff out Some reassuring signs of life But the grave is so dead And dark and eerie The mud sheeting it tightly  Into a suffocating  And foul-smelling box Where there are only Decaying remnants Of destroyed dreams Sinews and remains Of a broken, bleeding heart Scraps of shattered hopes Tatters of necrosed love And feelings that were Never meant to blossom Muggy and wet with  Traumatic, throbbing tears A carcass of a relationship Left into skeleton and bones Too soon transformed into a pathology. There never was A healthy, thriving bond It had always been THIS diseased. The illness had only grown with time As I had numbed all sense of pain Anesthsized myself from hurt This colossal desensitization  Had been the solution to survive this.... This joke of a relationship That I couldn't even laugh at And crying wasn't allowed freely..... ...

I am a woman Since ages and beyond time I have endured Innumerable torment Making my heart sore Always carrying exhaustive load With determined dignity And a composed smile on my lips. I am a woman Who has birthed humanity Carrying heartbeats  Effortlessly in my womb And enduring immense pain During the birth of those beats. I am a woman who has been tormented To the brim  filling up oceans with tears Sometimes hyper-used to fulfill Wild, carnal desires and lusts And sometimes sold in markets For the same. I am a woman  Occasionally worn  As an adornment for men Who pride themselves About bestowing  Honor and veneration To me So that I can walk On earth with dignity. I am a woman Often at the merciless mercy of men Who  boast of how they protect And provide shelter to me And safeguard me The same being who has shielded These men in my  womb When they could barely whisper. I am a woman Since generations Bent and haggard Under the weight of Monumental ex...

You are the storm In my calm The distress in my peace The downward curve to my smiling lips The fainting of light In my moist eyes The dark grave in my life The hushed nightmare In my restless  sleep The wetness of my pillows Alone when I weep The drops of blood That drips from my heart The hurt that makes me tear apart The scar that burns my soul The fall in my frail hold The loneliness in my isolation The feeling of doom In my anguished moods You are the asphyxiation  When I try to breathe....

My pain is my own But i know That i am not alone There are many out there With crying eyes And bleeding hearts Losses after losses Entrenched in agony Pining and gasping  As their souls sob Heavy and hanging With untold miseries. Happiness may be a mirage It's a fleeting emotion  But pain is constant  In so many forms and formats It unites us like no other emotion.

I have split Into two One part of me  with the past memories Snuggled like treasure in my heart Other part of me Forcing those memories Out of my being Everyday becomes a war!

The robe of aching pain Which you adorned on me so lovingly To conceal my proficient identity I have worn it everyday With intense adoration  Wrapped tightly around my soul Until it becomes the shroud Of peaceful, merry death.

Why did you marry me? I am so mad right now At your convoluted theories Of cold conspiracies  I do not believe them I do not agree I have a right to have  My own mind I possess my own individual thoughts Thank you! I am not ignorant I am not stupid Your smugness About things you hardly know Makes me want to scream Your paranoia is enough To drive a person insane When you pace to and fro Lecturing in fake passion As I stay dead silent Forced to agree For fear of your rage How confined and controlled I feel How utterly helpless  Let me tell you Your head-strong arrogance Will take you nowhere Trapped in a delusional world Of warped and distorted theories You will sadly dwell there Don't teach me medicine For which I hold a degree Keep to your engineer's facts And sacrifice your mind's debree I won't hold a grudge Though you promise never to budge We could have agreed to disagree But your conceit will be in the way The haughtiness will always keep you From seeing the dawn ...

When I leave you You will know What you have lost But too late would it be To pull chains That have been set free When dust chokes you And cobwebs layer Like flimsy, sheets At every nook and cranny And the Chaos of an unkempt house Will begin to bite you  You will know What you have lost When the eerie silence Of a dark, depressing house Will gnaw at your senses And it will dawn on you That it was my silent presence And a gentle, delicate touch That made your house a home You will know What you have lost When the absence of scents Wafting from a busy kitchen Fills you up with the fragrance of longing And your ears  hurt  With the deprivation Of conversations and sounds You will know What you have lost. You will know when I am gone No home-cooked meals Or noises of vacuuming and dusting Or the silence of quiet wiping and mopping  Or the music of footsteps prancing The lack of my fragrance That used to mingle with the air You will realize, it's not there anymore The we...

My silent screams And the tortured wails Will be heard through the walls Of this dark, draconian house Long after I am gone. The gasps and sobs And whimpers and shivers Will remain buried In each molecule of wood Long after I am gone. My tears have not evaporated They remain absorbed and alive In all the inanimate that exists It will breathe my pain Long after I am gone.

I saw u as a synonym of love And experienced you as an antonym of this divine emotion. How blind in heart were you to not even know the difference.

So much to write So little time The seconds  Ride on the tail  Of a shooting star The minutes  On the wings Of a peregrine Falcon And the hours Betray in the blink of an eye Will I ever have time Enough to bleed my heart on paper? But most importantly  Will i ever have the words To  squeeze out The shudders of intense agony.......?

Greatness is not always achieved By becoming a super-hero When there are no opportunities. Chances to help don't find u You have to step-up and find them No life is mediocre No breath is wasted If you can't save the day By assisting a child out of a burning building Or flying across a bus to push away a blind person from an accident You can always seek your chances In helping an old lady cross the road Or become friends with an autistic child Or praise a buddy with low self-esteem Or wipe away the tears of an aunt who is in emotional turmoil Or perhaps just listen to someone Who really needs an eager ear Or go out of your way  To aid that  girl Who has approached you all broken With hopes of guidance and direction For you were once in her place And although you are now in your cocooned bliss You can step out of your comfort zone And sense of warm security  To do one more thing Over and above the request she has made Just to show you care There is the chance to achieve you...