The eerie silence of absence

 AUGUST 22ND , 2020


SO in this pandemic I am helpless to help my child. My husband has become reckless. 

Just bcoz I had asked him to avoid going out for leisure like tennis until the covid cases start decreasing, he made it a point to go.....nearly everyday.

I am not even sure if he is going for tennis. He has forbidden me to call up any of his friends to ask where he is if he is late or doesn't decide to tell me where he has been.

So tonight (22nd august, Saturday), he left the house at 6pm without exactly telling me where he is going or when he will be back. My little child held on to him as he wanted to go out too.

It breaks my heart to see my toddler hang on to his father like that.....just so he gives him more time.

He was gone from 6pm to 2:30am. 

I had called him up around 11pm as dinner was getting cold. He was barely whispering as if he didn't want anyone else to hear. Didn't tell me where he is or what time he will be back. Just instructed me to go to sleep and leave dinner where it is. 

Always making things mysterious. Always keeping me on the edge. Never a normal loving tone of voice. Always an "order" or "instruction" I get to be followed. 

Never been treated like an equal. 

I was restless the whole night and hardly got any sleep.

After 7 years of marriage and 6 years of abuse and cold behavior, I should get used to it.

But I am not able to get used to any of this.

Is low tolerance to abuse a deficiency or weakness?.......I lay awake and keep thinking.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Effort

It's an effort to breathe An effort to sleep An effort to think An effort to blink When you live in fear Everything is burden Personified.
Read more

Obituary

I detach from myself And look down At the grave of my marriage And my deceased body Wandering and lost Like a ghost around it Trying to sniff out Some reassuring signs of life But the grave is so dead And dark and eerie The mud sheeting it tightly  Into a suffocating  And foul-smelling box Where there are only Decaying remnants Of destroyed dreams Sinews and remains Of a broken, bleeding heart Scraps of shattered hopes Tatters of necrosed love And feelings that were Never meant to blossom Muggy and wet with  Traumatic, throbbing tears A carcass of a relationship Left into skeleton and bones Too soon transformed into a pathology. There never was A healthy, thriving bond It had always been THIS diseased. The illness had only grown with time As I had numbed all sense of pain Anesthsized myself from hurt This colossal desensitization  Had been the solution to survive this.... This joke of a relationship That I couldn't even laugh at And crying wasn't allowed freely..... ...
Read more