Revelation

For the past week I have been trying to get my family in on this.

This treasure of information I have got my hands on. These videos on personality disorders that explains the abuse and suffering i have endured. The talks which make clear why my first husband behaved the way he did........or why my current husband is behaving the way he does.

It's such a revelation. Feels like a divine message. Something that solves all the pieces of this puzzle to make a whole. 
I am so relieved. I am sure they will be too if only they could listen to all this info....
They have suffered WITH me........FOR me.
They have cried my tears too. They have known painful helplessness and hopelessness. They deserve to hear this. 


But now they are not able to watch these videos. My parents have not been well. My brother is too busy....

.......and I feel abandoned.

I know I have no right to feel this way. But after the intense, acute pain I have been through......I just need someone to share this with.....someone for whom it's as relevant as its for me.....and the only people who can understand this like me is my family. 

It's such a lonely feeling not being able to share. 
No one knows what I have been through again and again except my family.

Most people just think that after a failed, abusive first marriage, I am leading a very happy life with my second husband.

No one except my family has an iota of knowledge of what I have landed myself into again.
Something worse than Borderline personality disorder..........a man with Narcissistic personality disorder. 

While my first husband gave me sudden, quick cuts, my current husband is enjoying stabbing me slowly and sharply in excruciating pain while he enjoys seeing me bleed to death slowly......

I will no doubt reach my grave early.

Perhaps it is written.

Like it was written for all those women who came before me in my current husband's family structure and never escaped.


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