AUGUST 22ND , 2020 SO in this pandemic I am helpless to help my child. My husband has become reckless. Just bcoz I had asked him to avoid going out for leisure like tennis until the covid cases start decreasing, he made it a point to go.....nearly everyday. I am not even sure if he is going for tennis. He has forbidden me to call up any of his friends to ask where he is if he is late or doesn't decide to tell me where he has been. So tonight (22nd august, Saturday), he left the house at 6pm without exactly telling me where he is going or when he will be back. My little child held on to him as he wanted to go out too. It breaks my heart to see my toddler hang on to his father like that.....just so he gives him more time. He was gone from 6pm to 2:30am. I had called him up around 11pm as dinner was getting cold. He was barely whispering as if he didn't want anyone else to hear. Didn't tell me where he is or what time he will be back. Just instructed me to go to sleep and...
I detach from myself And look down At the grave of my marriage And my deceased body Wandering and lost Like a ghost around it Trying to sniff out Some reassuring signs of life But the grave is so dead And dark and eerie The mud sheeting it tightly Into a suffocating And foul-smelling box Where there are only Decaying remnants Of destroyed dreams Sinews and remains Of a broken, bleeding heart Scraps of shattered hopes Tatters of necrosed love And feelings that were Never meant to blossom Muggy and wet with Traumatic, throbbing tears A carcass of a relationship Left into skeleton and bones Too soon transformed into a pathology. There never was A healthy, thriving bond It had always been THIS diseased. The illness had only grown with time As I had numbed all sense of pain Anesthsized myself from hurt This colossal desensitization Had been the solution to survive this.... This joke of a relationship That I couldn't even laugh at And crying wasn't allowed freely..... ...
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